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I have been close companions with a woman, who has overcome several hardships, which I admire. But, she's often taken by surprise by people. Her husband walked away, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her friends drifted away at that point, since they had been only interested in her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, likely understood better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she was an excellent employee, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both left the workforce leading to more time together, yet I realize my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. Politically, she has unyielding views. My effort is to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She has been arranging a trip abroad I know well repeatedly and resided in for some time. I tried to share personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She really just desired validation of her decisions. I've just returned from 30 days there she hopes to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she will ever understand the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. Currently, I am in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could cut and run, yet this is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for resolution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument on this point. Emotions belong to you, naturally. Finally is to ask how the two of you will alter the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method involves stating her:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

She might reject everything, as some people hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a narrative of their life they're unable to abandon since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may start out defensively and then think your perspective. And should you never reach a fix, it will give you closure from having been truthful.