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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your choice to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {